NAYKA REVEALS SECRET to the ART OF LOVE

Namaste from your favorite Tantra dakini, mentor and friend, NAYKA……………..

Profound desire, true desire is the desire to be close to someone. From that point onwards, things change, the man and the woman come into play, but what happens before---the attraction that brought them together---is impossible to explain. It is untouched desire in its purest state.

When desire is still in pure state, the man and the woman fall in love with life, they live each moment reverently, consciously, always ready to celebrate the next blessing.

When people feel like this, they are not in a hurry, they do not precipitate events with unthinking actions. They know that the inevitable will happen, that what is real always finds a way of revealing itself. When the moment comes, they do not hesitate, they do not miss an opportunity, they do not let slip a single magic moment, because they respect the importance of each second.

Eleven Minutes: The Novel
By: Paulo Coelho

Booklist mentioned that Coelho's book was "A gripping exploration of the potentially sacred nature of sex within the context of love." I knew that although his more otherwise famous book, "The Alchemist' was more highly reviewed, I could get both my fix for fiction and sacred sex study while reading this novel. It tells the story of a young, Brazilian girl who is swept off to Switzerland to become a mambo dancer only to discover that she has been tricked into becoming a prostitute in a Moulin Rouge-like nightclub. It details her many escapades and sexual encounters with detailed thoughts in her journal and although very much experienced in the Art of Sex, Maria discovers that she is still just a beginner in the Art of Love. She realizes despite attempting to experience many varied and vast sexual experiences, or attempting to read her way towards understanding the process of "experiencing love" she cannot master it. Coincidentally, the energy of my life has not much differed in topic from this book, as Nayka examines the question to herself and in relation to her own personal experiences in terms of dating:

What does the Eastern Arts have to teach us regarding the difference between the Art of Sex versus the Art of Love? And which of these can be deemed as meaning more in terms of our evolution as souls who seek deeper understanding of ourselves, our actions or our course of love on this journey of life?

So NAYKA returned to revisiting the thought process of dating after a few years of being out of the loop. I decided to start my thinking process by revisiting a previous article on the subject I had written six years ago while being a single girl in Washington, DC. SO let me share what I wrote back then:

Article added on 10/28/02

Remember that song by Bonnie Raitt in the 90's called, "Let's Give Them Something To Talk About?"

When it comes to dating, there is plenty women talk about with each other.

After what appears months of countless horrible dates, I have come to the conclusion that not only is SEX AND THE CITY a huge fairytale of excitement, great sex, and attraction, but that the famed four are not experiencing enough of "reality dating" that seems to occur between the women I know and the dates they experience. I began to ask just a few close girlfriends about some of their pet peeves in dating and I was amazed by how quickly they were able to rattle of some.

Here is the GO TO List for How To Prepare For Your Dating Life:

1) Do not pick up your date with a baseball cap no matter how bald you really are. French restaurants really do frown upon this, and you can't keep this a secret from your woman for too long. Take a lesson from Bruce Willis: its all in the personality baby.
2) Do NOT bring up on your first date how you think prostitution and drugs should be legalized and then go on to share your extensive list of home pornography.
3) If you are the kind of guy who sweats profusely, do take that shower we recommend after the big shabang. Women don't think the sweaty jungle look suits any man. We know you're an animal. Just don't smell like one.
4) We all agree: trimming the tree is a great idea.
5) If you're a sci-fi junkie, that's wonderful. But for the fourth time: I will NOT play Dungeons and Dragons with you and your computer geek friends.
6) Please ask us questions on a date. There's is no bigger turnoff than a guy who talks nonstop about himself, his job, his ex, his car, his childhood, his favorite color, his buddy's bad fall, his nose job, his therapy, etc. Women tend to wonder why you're going out with them if you don't even care to know who they are as people. We want to know that we're not just eye candy for you. In some cases, if they're hadn't been a decent salad bar on our date, I would have fallen asleep at the table.
7) Please don't blare Robbie Williams in the car. WE know you like him. WE just don't need to know HOW MUCH.
8) Please don't say that I remind you of one of your favorite porn stars.
9) If you had to choose to picking us up last minute tickets, opt for the opera instead of WWF Wrestling match downtown. note: practicing any wrestling moves in the bedroom is not only dangerous, but makes you look like you belong in a zoo rather than a date.
10) When picking us up flowers, go the extra mile. Sign the card yourself. Remember my name too.
11) Please don't make me wait until 10:30pm every night to see you because your gay fitness buddy needs to work out with you for 3 hours beforehand. Working out that much 5 nights a week makes me wonder....
12) Don't sound like a sailor with your mouth. Unless of course, you're really a dishwasher.
13) Don't ask to see my feet up close on the first date. Save your quirky fetishes for date 25. No, make that date 50.
14) Don't suggest going for a walk when there's Code Red.
15) If you suggest meeting out for coffee, at least pick up the tab.
16) DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT bring up EX GIRLFRIENDS on your dates! The general rule for when we want to know is when we ASK to know.
17) If you plan on having us over, at least wash your bed sheets. No one needs to look at all those stains, thank you.
18) Please keep conditioner in your shower. Somehow using White Rain Shampoo to wash my hair, body, face, and teeth seems too cheapskate for us delicate ones.
19) Please kiss delicately and remember where my mouth is. No one's forehead needs a bath.
20) When French kissing, remember the mantra: REMEMBER TO BREATHE. I am not a smurf and when I turn blue, that's not a good thing.
21) Do NOT ask if I'll be your girlfriend on the first date. We are not in second grade.
22) Please do not share with me your criminal history. Save that for your lawyer.
23) You're in AA? Great, I'm in OH: Outta Here.

This is just a few of my gripes, alongside with those my girlfriends have contributed, as a basic guideline of things NOT to do before a big FIRST date.

Don't get trapped and become
THE MAN WITHOUT A CLUE

So this was what NAYKA was feeling in her twenties. I'd love to say that dating has evolved and that we are somehow better at it, but I'd add in only one more rule:

1) TEXTING does not constitute as communication.

Many men and women are increasingly confused as to what approach to use in terms of finding their true soul mate, and what to even do once they may get there. What people have essentially failed to recognize is one of the most important TANTRA lessons to learn:

How the Art of Love replenishes your inner weakness in Ego.

The body is a direct means to which you can practice with a partner the healing benefits of loss of ego, letting go, dissolving anger, shame or sadness. By NOT participating in sex, you are not only depriving your physical body of the medical benefits to a healthy sex life, but also cutting off your soul from experiencing divine metamorphosis. The entire soul is cut off from the God-like lessons of Love, Ecstasy and Bliss to which GOD intended for us to ALSO experience through these ancient practices, and if you cut out your partner from this experience, you have taken down two souls as well as your own. However, what I must also make note here too is the importance to the CONTEXT to which SACRED SEX must be taken in. For as the highest demonstration of your soul's capacity to give, if you do not carry it out correctly and lovingly, you may suffer the effects for the rest of your life.

So when NAYKA began wondering why it was that so many people must suffer on some level regarding love, the finding and keeping of it, and the demonstration of it in its highest state, through sex, she began to notice a few things. The first being that very few people today carry any sort of role model or example close to them of someone who is actually successful or actually thriving in the Art of Love or Sex. Often I will ask people, "Who is your role model regarding balancing the act of work, love and sexual desire for you?" About 80% of the time, the person has no real role model to which to think of, and the most popular answer, George Clooney , does very little to demonstrate the life-changing effect of being truly loved or having loved completely himself. This made me decide to offer up a few ancient role models and to compare to today what lessons we could learn if only we turned to the ancients for our "Lessons in Love."

In the first corner, we have OVID , a Roman poet, whose narrative skill and unmatched linguistic and metrical virtuosity have made him the most popular of the Roman poets. Educated to practice law, he became highly proficient in the art of rhetoric, but his genius was essentially poetical, and he devoted most of his time and energy to writing verse. By the age of 30, Ovid had been married three times and divorced twice, and he may have carried on an intimate relationship with the woman whom he celebrated in his poetry as Corinna. His private life was that of an exuberant, wealthy, and somewhat licentious man of letters.

In the other corner, we have Tsangyang Gyatso, the Rebel Dalai Lama who was enthroned with grand ceremony as the Sixth Dalai Lama on the golden throne in the Potala palace in 1697 Tibet. Extraordinary as a lover of wine and women, melodious as a singer of love songs and above all, tragic as a national hero of the status of a Dalai Lama, reduced to become a heroic pawn at the hands of the Qosot Lhazang Khan, the Sixth Dalai Lama became a legend within his short lifetime. Worshipped and loved by Tibetan people with stainless faith, Tsangyang Gyatso's songs became famous in every corner of Tibet receiving once again the fascination of simple folk poetry.

Both of these men were considered skillful in the ability to "ignite a certain response from the opposite sex, unapologetically. " So what would they tell us today regarding the Art of Love? Let us see………..

OVID divided his ART OF LOVE series by various chapters, not that much differently laid out than the ancient Kama Sutra texts. The entire text entire can be read here: http://www.tonykline.co.uk/PITBR/Latin/ArtofLoveBkI.htm

Let's imagine for fun that GEORGE CLOONEY plays the part of OVID.

Contents

Book I Part I: His Task. 3

Book I Part II: How to Find Her4

' Book I Part III: Search while youre out Walking. 4

Book I Part IV: Or at the Theatre. 5

Book I Part V: Or at the Races, or the Circus. 6

Book I Part VI: Triumphs are Good too!7

' Book I Part VII: Theres always the Dinner-Table. 9

' Book I Part VIII: And Finally Theres the Beach. 9

Book I Part IX: How To Win Her10

Book I Part X: First Secure the Maid. 12

' Book I Part XI: Dont Forget Her Birthday!13

Book I Part XII: Write and Make Promises. 14

Book I Part XIII: Be Where She Is. 16

Book I Part XIV: Look Presentable. 16

Book I Part XV: At Dinner Be Bold. 17

Book I Part XVI: Promise and Deceive. 19

Book I Part XVII: Tears, Kisses, and Take the Lead. 20

Book I Part XVIII: Be Pale: Be Wary of Your Friends. 22

Book I Part XIX: Be Flexible

OVID's very first introduction is to state:

Should anyone here not know the art of love,
read this, and learn by reading how to love.

It appears Ovid encourages one to read to learn more about the art to loving…

I am Love's teacher as Chiron was Achilles's,
both wild boys, both children of a goddess.

And he recognized that women's true nature and birthright was as a goddess…

And Love will yield to me, though with his bow
he wounds my heart, shakes at me his burning torch.
The more he pierces me, the more violently he burns me,
so much the fitter am I to avenge the wounds.

He reveals that one becomes better for having experienced the pain of true love….

Now the first task for you who come as a raw recruit
is to find out who you might wish to love.
The next task is to make sure that she likes you:
the third, to see to it that the love will last.

For those who feel the need to prepare for love, here is your plan set out for you….

While you're still free, and can roam on a loose rein,
pick one to whom you could say: 'You alone please me.'
She won't come falling for you out of thin air:
the right girl has to be searched for: use your eyes.
The hunter knows where to spread nets for the stag,
he knows what valleys hide the angry boar:
the wild-fowler knows the woods: the fisherman
knows the waters where the most fish spawn:
You too, who search for the essence of lasting love,
must be taught the places that the girls frequent.

He's revealing to be active in your own pursuit for finding true love…..

Your father's years and powers arm you, boy,
and with your father's powers and years you'll win:
though your first beginnings must be in debt to such a name,
now prince of the young, but one day prince of the old:
Your brothers are with you, avenge your brothers' wounds:
your father is with you, keep your father's laws.

Does OVID believe that there is meaning in keeping conscious of how your past is affecting your present and which parts of traditional should remain the same in the ways of love…..

Don't trust the treacherous lamplight overmuch:
night and wine can harm your view of beauty.
Paris saw the goddesses in the light, a cloudless heaven,
when he said to Venus: 'Venus, you win, over them both.'
Faults are hidden at night: every blemish is forgiven,
and the hour makes whichever girl you like beautiful.

It sounds as though OVID advises against picking up your woman after a late night of drinking….

So far, riding her unequal wheels, the Muse has taught you
where you might choose your love, where to set your nets.
Now I'll undertake to tell you what pleases her,
by what arts she's caught, itself a work of highest art.
Whoever you are, lovers everywhere, attend, with humble minds,
and you, masses, show you support me: use your thumbs.
First let faith enter into your mind: every one of them
can be won: you'll win her, if you only set your snares.

OVID is telling you: "Be confident! Every love is possible if you set your wills to it."

That punishment will return on your own head.
All these things were driven by woman's lust:
it's more fierce than ours, and more frenzied.
So, on, and never hesitate in hoping for any woman:
there's hardly one among them who'll deny you.
Whether they give or not, they're delighted to be asked:
And even if you fail, you'll escape unharmed.

OVID and George Clooney have a lot in common after all….

Her mind will be fit for love when she luxuriates
in fertility, like the crop on some rich soil.
When hearts are glad, and nothing sad constrains them,
they're open: Venus steals in then with seductive art.

Remember: women must be touched emotionally before they release their seductive powers….

What she asks, she fears: what she doesn't ask, she wants,
that you go on: do it, and you'll soon get what you wish.

Gaze at her, to admire her is fine:
and to speak with gestures and with glances.
And applaud, the man who dances the girl's part:
and favour anyone who plays a lover.
When she rises, rise: while she's sitting, sit:
pass the time at your lady's whim.

And tears help: tears will move a stone:
let her see your damp cheeks if you can.
If tears (they don't always come at the right time)
fail you, touch your eyes with a wet hand.
What wise man doesn't mingle tears with kisses?
Though she might not give, take what isn't given.
Perhaps she'll struggle, and then say 'you're wicked':
struggling she still wants, herself, to be conquered.

Do not fear being vulnerable, emotional, or present.

I've done, but there's diversity in women's
hearts: a thousand minds require a thousand methods.
One soil doesn't bear all crops: vines here
are good, olives there: this teems with healthy wheat.
There are as many manners of heart as kinds of face:
a wise man will adapt to many forms,
and like Proteus now, melt into the smooth waters,
now be a tree, now a lion, now a bristling boar.

Be versatile and adaptable based on the woman or the experience before you. What may have worked for one woman may not work with another……..

Now we must return to Tsangyang Gyatso, an ancient version of Johnny Depp. He was considered a rebel Dalai Lama as he did not take the monastic vows of a normal Tibetan Dalai Lama and thus considered "love and sexuality" as one of the true paths to enlightenment. It may be more correct and safer to state that some of the verses indirectly show his deep knowledge and practice of tantra, as it is clear from the one song in which he has claimed:

"Never have I slept without a sweetheart
Nor have I spent a single drop of sperm"

The claim of control over his flow of sperm openly declared his grasp and mastery of tantric practices.

"Over the eastern hills rises
The smiling face of the moon;
In my mind forms
The smiling face of my beloved'

'If only I could wed
The one whom I love,
Joys of gaining the choicest gem
>From the ocean's deepest bed would be mine'

'Longing for the landlord's daughter
Blossoming in youthful beauty
Is like pining for peaches
Ripening on the high peach trees'

'I incline myself
To the teachings of my lama
But my heart secretly escapes
To the thoughts of my sweetheart'

'If I could meditate upon the dharma
As intensely as I muse on my beloved
I would certainly attain enlightenment
Surely, in this one lifetime'

'Your sweet smile is
To steal away my young heart.
If your love for me is true,
Promise me so
>From the depths of your heart'

'Even the stars in the sky
Can be measured by astrology.
Her body can be caressed,
But not so fathomed
Her deep inner longing'
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
'Sweetheart awaiting me in my bed
Yielding tenderly her sweet soft body,
Has she come to cheat me
And disrobe me of my virtues?'
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
'People gossip about me.
I am sorry for what I have done;
I have taken three thin steps
And landed myself in the tavern of my mistress'

It becomes obvious that the power and energy behind love with a partner was even more profound and impressionable than all the world's promises of eternal enlightenment. Tsangyang Gyatso does not fight it, but recognizes its power over him to do things that he believes will make him a more complete man. When political issues would become strained, the 6th Dalai Lama disappeared and was stated to be sometimes hidden away, living a life of poetry, women and desire while the "suppose of captured Dalai Lama" was killed. He is often known as "The Rebel that Got Away.." and it was all done for a shot at true love……

So what do these two ancient men have to say regarding the Art of Love? It appears that they recognize that they are not in control of the process so much as having to purposely RELINGUISH control over the process. There is obviously no model that fits all, but that you should be open and receptive to the women who may clearly lead you into a certain direction.

I think this is what I am saddened most by my own personal dating stories and of those around me. Everyone has experienced something disappointing and hurtful, and are allowing that hurtful place to keep them guarded, fearful, distrusting, and can I say it…..undeserving of its tap on your shoulder. This is where we throw in the Buddhist adage, "The past will only keep you in suffering" and I have to agree. We must note that LOVE as a concept, experience, emotion, or feeling CANNOT be regulated into a precise formula. It is the one area of LIFE to which we can PRACTICE utter freedom of being, an opportunity to grow or express ourselves outside of our society's expectations.

It was only a few years ago that I found myself leaning on my father after another horrible dating story came up. My father use to share a sense of humor about my various dating stories of "Man who peed with the door open on Date One" to "Man who failed to mention his "other" personality would be picking me up that night due to schizophenrenia " or "Man who got caught by the FBI for his child pornography ring." For awhile it was quite funny to see the variety of "types" that were out there and I believe my father lived vicariously through my dating stories in his later years. As a hopeless romantic, my father did not think twice about writing poetry for his wife or daughters or going all out on Valentines Day despite long after my mother left him due to his drinking. I remember asking him once, "Dad, why do you continue to write the poems or celebrate if they aren't being responsive to you or showing appreciation for them?"

"I don't do it for them. I do it because I like the way it makes me feel."

And thus was one of the most important lessons I would learn about LOVE, and it was taught to me from a man. That sometimes we must not go into love based on what someone else is going to do for us, complete for us, or last for us. We should go into it simply for the sheer joy of what we want to feel from it. That it is not about getting something per se from the other person, but rather that we learn through the process and application (the Art of Love and the Art of Sex) that we demonstrate to ourselves the very essence of divine bliss and love to which we are born from. That in that painful journey, GOD and MAN discover each other and realize that indeed love can indeed be harder to master, but in attempting it, we get a little bit closer to finding THE REAL THING.

I do not believe in coincidences. In my father's passing, we spent time going through the years worth of videos he prepared for our family. He rarely was actually seen in family movies because he always was the cameraman. But in this one footage, he showed me and my sisters once more that "letting go" is just as important as the experience itself. If you watch closely, you'll hear the words that hauntingly speak to my work today. The song is Elton John's "Healing Hands."

http://www.youtube.com/user/FarrahNA

I never dreamed I could cry so hard
That ain't like a man
I could fly like a bird some days
Had a place where I could land

I could have sworn we were all locked in
Ain't that what you said
I never knew it could hurt so bad
When the power of love is dead

But giving into the nighttime
Ain't no cure for the pain
You gotta wade into the water
You gotta learn to live again

And reach out for her healing hands
Reach out for her healing hands
There's a light, where the darkness ends
Touch me now and let me see again
Rock me now in your gentle healing hands

I never knew love like poison
That burned like a fire
All I ever wanted was a reason
To drown in your eyes

I never knew sleep so restless
Empty arms so cold
That's not the way it's supposed to be
It ain't the spell that I was sold

I believe that it was this demonstration of never giving up, never stop trying to get it right, and that love, for however long it may last is always worth fighting for. Is it really any surprise that this girl with the many funny and painful dating stories herself, should stumble upon the Life calling of the Art of Love and the Art of Sex and thus be re-born as "The Heartache Helper?"

I don't do it for you all. I do it because of the way it makes me feel. (wink)

For scheduling appointments, please do try to reach me in the mornings!~

To join our FREE TANTRA*SACRED LOVE*KAMA group, visit here: http://tantric.meetup.com/37/

I look forward to seeing or hearing from you very soon.