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The Wisdom Out Of The Wound Namaste from your favorite Tantra dakini, mentor and friend, NAYKA
"Nothing lies in our minds that hasn't before been in our senses."
~Aristotle  Love. One of the most analyzed and complex words in any language. Often people come to NAYKA to find it, keep it, expand it, grow it, sexualize it, safeguard it.
There are stories of loss, of happiness, passion and regret. If I ever decided to become a Hollywood screenwriter, I could write movies that would make The
Bridges of Madison County seem like a cartoon of real love and passion. And yet recently I found myself completely losing my entire box of knowledge when I
recently went through my own breakup with a great Love of my life. Who does the "Heartache Helper" go to when SHE herself needs nurturing and understanding? I am only
a mere human and like any other, the pain is no less great for myself or the resistance to full understanding and acceptance no less painful a process.
Every person responds differently to a breakup process. However, I have watched it happen enough time for others to draw an informal conclusion of how men and
women differ in this process. Men will generally busy themselves with various activities and distractions for a
length of time in which the breakup will not register as having occurred for many months. They will appear ok and well to the outside world and may even garner praise for handing it so well.
Until one day, some "moment" will occur that was completely outside of EGO's reach that will
break them entirely of their self-induced spell and shatter every barrier built to prevent their
emotions from falling forth. Women, on the other hand, will generally face full force the entire masochistic process of a breakup and find themselves rendered an entirely different human
being for the first few weeks until they metamorphose themselves back into a similar creature that once resembled their original self. The process can be ugly but the positive aspects of this
type of process is that they build up over time a variety of "tried and true" techniques that can
be used as fail proof in terms of speeding up their breakup recuperation time. Let me share a few of my own.
(First I must preface everything I am about to share with you by telling you that much of what we learn on HOW TO FACE A BREAKUP is learned behavior by those who loved us first: aka:
your parents. And thus in sharing with you that I am the offspring of two VERY passionate parents: one is the great-great grandson of Buffalo Bill Cody and one is the
great-great granddaughter of an French-Indian War lovemaking session during the French-Indian War...I can only bring to your
consciousness that we are mere products of stories that came before us and as the Eastern mystics would argue, we are merely continuing the unfinished business from our ancestors
before us. So to solve the problem, be conscious of your stories before yours.)
My breakup process for years has always been like a bad car accident you see seconds before it
actually happened. I could see this one coming. And like any good VIRGO, I thought I could fix
it. If love could conquer all, I could conquer Love! Or so I thought! One of the greatest lessons I have recently learned is that love is not enough!
It is sad, but true. Which is why I have come to agree that finding the perfect mate in life is somewhere in between the American and Indian
system of matchmaking. One must formulate a little bit of passion and a little bit of practical input from those who know you best as to who the ideal partner for you in life may be. And
then wrap yourself firmly in the blanket of family and friend's support of it so it may stay warm throughout your life and the relationship has the best chance for survival.  In learning that my love unsurpassed was not enough to
calm my Indian Muslim's beau's thoughts of fear to his family back in INDIA as to the seriousness of our relationship, I had to accept that no matter how hard I may try, I could not conquer
FEAR in terms of our relationship. Now FEAR has many forms in our relationships to others and it has a nasty ability to disguise itself at various points throughout one's
relationship. I heard Gary Zukov, author of the book THE SEAT OF THE SOUL, say once that there are really only two emotions, love and fear. Nearly every time I have
heard a breakup story, the common thread is that there was someone in the relationship afraid of something and thus the relationship crumbled. Perhaps it was a fear of
change, a fear of growth, a fear of instability, a fear of loss or a fear of even.......sex.
FEAR can even creep up at the end of a relationship and
as if it wasn't enough to screw up your relationship in the first place, it now wants to screw you
up MORE by playing with you a bit in the aftermath of the breakup. FEAR will tease you, scare you, talk to you in your sleep, and convince you that LOVE, that famous other FOE, is really not
worth trying for at all. "Why don't you stay awhile here with me, and my friend's INSECURITY, ANGER and SADNESS,
and join our party where no other LOVE BIRDS are welcomed? This way you'll be safe for awhile and can avoid this pointless quest for something that doesn't really exist darling?"
 And so that is how I started off my breakup. The Heartache Helper was kidnapped by FEAR and decided to
skip my normal process of eating brownies, shopping and talking my friend's ear's off in lieu of the private, VIP part at FEAR's house. At first, it was great. I was
alone, and didn't have anyone to answer to. I wasn't expected to be anything. I started to imagine how great a life it will be to travel to any country I want, whenever
I want, and become THE GREATEST COUGAR THAT EVER LIVED. (wink) I would become a Master of Non-detachment, and never feed Love's unpredictable
mouth again. "Love! Oh yeah, THAT guy! Yeah, you won't see ME so easily swooed by his sultry ways again. I won't be THAT fool!" I was smooth. I was sure of myself. I was OVER it.
So imagine my surprise when after a relaxing brunch with a girlfriend last weekend, I decided to head over to
a local Albany bookstore to indulge myself with plenty of books. I walked around the bookstore, rejecting love's stares, confident that FEAR
would knock those silly looks off their faces who dared look at me, and I walked towards the back of the store and glanced at what appeared to be a familiar name on the cover of a book.
Jeff Berman. The title of the book was Dying To Teach: A Memoir of Love, Loss and Learning. Where did I recognize that name from? I turned
the book over and realized that this book was written by my favorite college professor at SUNY Albany. He made me fall in love with D.H. Lawrence and Thomas Hardy. He was a brilliant
professor and I even remembered running into him last year at PROVENCE Restaurant, and walked up to his table and thanked him for being such a fantastic teacher. I doubt he
remembered me really, but I had been thrilled to see him again.  So when I examined further this
recent book of his, I was shocked to see before me an incredible tale of love. On the cover of the book was a photo of his wife when she was young. The entire book is a dedication
to the life of LOVE that they shared together and her battle with cancer which eventually took her life. They were best friends and lovers since their college years in the 1960's. The
story about their love is an inspiring one. I recommend you find this book if you want to know what "picture-perfect" looks
like. And I imagine it was during the time FEAR was at the front of that bookstore keeping people away, that I was able to sneak myself to a comfortable chair and read a few chapters to
myself. And cry.
Yes, LOVE is more powerful that FEAR. In that battle, I saw every past love come before me.
Flashes of the Rolling Stones, muscle cars, France, train rides, India, came before me. Tid bits
of myself that now existed solely due to the love I had found during those relationships. Sure I have nicks and dents on me but I also carry with me other things too. Would I have become the
person I am today if I had said "yes" to my first love when he proposed to me at age 18 on his
farm here in upstate NY? I knew then the chance I was taking but stating "I want more" and
those following years in Boston, India, Washington, DC, New York, New Jersey........all the heartaches, the disappointments, the horrible first dates, the torrid affairs, and great loves in
between? And even though I've come full circle to live not 5 miles from that very farm he once proposed to me on, am I not a better person in some way for at least attempting to experience
MORE despite the risks and bruises it carried? Am I not in same way better for it now? Seeing that book in the bookstore was a wake up call. Yes, true LOVE DOES exist and it IS
worth fighting for. Without hope, we are CAPTORS of FEAR and the battle will easily be won. There are only a few things left fighting for in this chaotic world and I do believe LOVE qualifies
as one of them. In nearly every aspect of our lives now, we are in some way regulated, expected, conditioned to follow a path that someone else has laid out before us. Sure, it is
more comfortable to follow the "sure" path. Not too much is required of you to play it safe.
However, the joy of forging your own path, albeit however torturous and unsure it may seem at the time, creates an inner appreciation for not only love that may exist out there
but also within and for yourself. That, my friends, is worth every brownie I'll eat these next few weeks....
There is a poem I have saved since my college years. I have memorized this poem because it
speaks to me every time I have doubted love, and my quest to fuel it, understand it, give advice on it, and nurture it. It is written by C.S. Lewis and comes from his book THE FOUR
LOVES. It reads:
"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart
will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies
and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your
selfishness. But in that casket -- safe, dark, motionless, airless -- it will change. It will not be
broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be safe
from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." In terms of my schedule, here is the latest AVAILABILITY for the next few weeks. LONDON,
ATLANTA, LOS ANGELES, WASHINGTON, DC, and SEDONA are all on my mind for the November-January time frame.
- October 29-31: BOSTON, MA
NOVEMBER 1-11: Capital Region(Albany-Schenectady-Troy)
November 12: Edison, NJ
November 13-20: Capital Region
November 21-23: Boston
OFF THANKSGIVING holidays
November 29th- on Capital Region
****Like always, the best process to schedule is to FIRST fill out my SITE's AVAILABILITY form,
leaving a good contact # to reach you on, and I'll ring you OR you may reach me in the MORNING hours best to schedule in advance. Sometimes I can do SAME DAY if you check with me in the
morning for any openings, but I do tend to book up a bit in advance! Please check my RATES page carefully as UPSTATE NY's rates are different than my VISITING cities. I DO see SINGLES
or COUPLES, men or women, and even offer EMAIL or phone consultations if you happen to live outside a city I visit. For those desiring to visit AND stay nearby my new HOME city, please
check out and stay at my FAVORITE INN, The Stockade Inn in Schenectady, NY. I have new photos up on my photo gallery page. Feel free to check those weekly.
INDIA TRIP planned for JANUARY through my site: www.AffordableIndia.Com. Feel free to call and discuss interest you may have in attending with our group!
I look forward to seeing you soon. It will be difficult to reach me this Monday-Wednesday on my
office line as I'll be away in BOSTON. My cell is available to those people who have it. I'll be back in Albany by Wednesday night. I look forward to seeing you very soon! Namaste, Peace & Love,  NAYKA
www.Nayka.Com
www.HeartacheHelper.Com
www.AffordableIndia.Com
(301) 789-2503 Office line
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